Our Time (And Relative Dimension In Space) To Shine
by Wall With A Fez
Summary: The Dumping Ground is under threat, the Master wants to kill Arietta and Jemima. But the Doctor is at hand, and he has to tell Tee he isn't her brother, while letting the love of his life go. Rated T for Torchwood parts and just general strangeness.


**This story is complete crack. It is mainly TBR/DG/Doctor Who but there are Torchwood, Sherlock and Buffy The Vampire Slayer elements**

**Cast:**

**Johnny Taylor/The Doctor/John Watson**

**Jemima Anderson/Sherlock Holmes**

**Sam Carter/Jenny Flint/Willow Rosenberg**

**Arietta Rosenberg/Madame Vastra/Tara Maclay**

**Mo/Strax**

**Rick Barber/Captain Jack Harkness**

**Erin Walker/Gwen Cooper**

**Frank Matthews/Ianto Jones**

**Kitty Barilo/The Master**

"Trust me," Johnny told the Welsh girl, "I'm the Doctor."

"Which university did you study at?" Jemima asked,

"that is irrelevant," Johnny told her, Jemima raised an eyebrow before pulling out her notebook and scribbling the word _fraud_.

"Run," Faith called, sprinting past the two of them.

"That's my line," Johnny shouted after her, but Jemima simply grabbed his hand and forced him to follow her.

The Doctor pulled back, "we need to save the Dumping Ground," he told Jemima, he kicked open Harry's door.

"Harry, take Jeff and run. Don't stop running."

He opened the next door, "Tee, I am not your brother, I am Timelord from the planet Gallifrey, in the Constellation of Kasterborous, I'm about 1215 years old and I'm going to save all this planet."

The Doctor opened the next door, and found a very odd sight.

"I'm no' your human wa'er bottle, you can't jus' get me every time ya get cold," Sam said, sounding more London than usual. She was curled up on Ari's bed, next to Ari, whose face was painted green, while Sam was wearing a corset.

"I'm sorry my dear," Arietta apologized, "I do treat you terribly," she stroked Sam's hair, "but my love, I can make up for that..."  
"Sam?!" Johnny exclaimed, "Ari?! You're together?!"

"I do not know who you are, but please may you leave, because I want to be alone with my..." Madame Vastra paused, "wife," she breathed, causing Jenny to giggle. "And this is not a place for monkeys."

She clapped twice, Mo jumped up from behind the bed.

"Strax, could you please dispose of this... monkey," Vastra commanded.

"Certainly, I will blow his brain out with explosives, then I'll escort him outside," Strax said, before forcibly grabbing the Doctor.

Who saw Vastra pin Jenny to the bed, and heard her whisper, _"now we can put my reptile tongue to good use my dear._"

"Doctor," Jemima called, Strax was preparing to attack him, when Jemima hit Strax round the head with a potato masher.

"If you're the best that England's got to send, God help us," Bailey said, walking past the Doctor and Jemima.

Jemima tapped him on the shoulder, "I'M WELSH!" she yelled, then she punched him in the face. Knocking him unconscious.

The door down the corridor opened and Captain Jack "Rick" Harkness strutted out, Gwen "Erin" Cooper followed him.

"We're Torchwood," Rick told Johnny, swirling his coat around him, "look at my shiny teeth."

"Um..." the Doctor said,

"good," Rick replied, before snogging Johnny.

"Wow," Jemima whispered,

"welcome to Torchwood," Rick said, "today on the menu, is gay sex. Lots and lots of gay sex, just to let the audience that this is an adult show. This is not for kids and we have to prove this by..."  
"but your my boyfriend," Erin whined,

"and Ianto's," Rick replied, "hey Ianto," he called.

"hey Rick," Frank replied, before entering his room.

"But we have to evacuate," Johnny declared, "the dumping ground is under threat from the most dangerous person in the entire universe. Kitty Barilo A.K.A the Master."

Then the dramatic music started, and Kitty appeared at the end of the corridor,

"I'm here to cause death and destruction," she said, in a dark raspy voice, "and to stop the drums in my head."

"So what's your plan?" the Doctor asked, "if you don't answer, I will scan you with my sonic screwdriver, which will do absolutely no good, but will look dramatic."

"I'm here to erase Welshie and Arietta for time."

"But I don't deserve to die," Erin whimpered, "I'm pregnant, and Jack, it is yours."

"Erin, you're not Welsh, please leave, you're an offence to my country, and an offence to Torchwood," Jemima told her.

"Ok," Erin said, before walking away.

All of them watched her go.

"First I will kill Jemima," Kitty growled,

"run," they yelled, Rick was shot but Johnny and Jemima escaped.

They made their way onto the roof, and Jemima went right to the edge.

Jemima turned to Johnny.

"John, Keep your eyes fixed on me," Jemima whispered, "Please, will you do this for me?"

"Do what?" Johnny asked,

"This phone call, it's, er... it's my note. It's what people do, don't they – leave a note?"  
_"_Leave a note when?" Johnny asked,  
"Goodbye, John," Jemima whispered,  
"No. Don't." Johnny cried, Jemima stared at him for a few seconds, before spreading her arms and falling.  
"No. _SHERLOCK!" _Johnny yelled, "Sher..." he went to call again, but it was too late, Jemima was on the drive. Dead._  
_

"One down," Kitty/The Master said,

"Doctor, I know you're grieving but this is not the time. Arietta is downstairs and without you she will die," Rick told him, quickly kissing the Doctor.

Suddenly they were both downstairs,

"how did we get down here?" the Doctor asked Jack,

"this is Torchwood, with constant plot holes that make no sense, and we just have to deal with" he explained, next minute they were upstairs.

Kitty was walking towards them, tapping the drum beat that controlled her head. "Ari next," she growled, Jack opened Arietta's door.

The two women were lying entwined on the bed, breathing rapidly.

"Hello ladies," Jack flirted, "room for one more?"

Madame Vastra hissed, "play nicely," Jenny commanded hitting her wife's arm.

"Madame Vastra, the Master is out to kill you," the Doctor said.

The two women jumped up and pulled out long swords, then suddenly there was a gun shot.  
There was blood on Sam's shirt.

"Your shirt?" Arietta asked, before collapsing onto the floor.

"Tara?" Sam/Willow yelled, "Tara? Baby?" Sam/Willow/Jenny screamed, she rocked her girlfriend, "Baby, come on. Get up," she cried, "No... no... no..."

Kitty was standing in the doorway with a gun.

"Bring her back," Sam begged,

"on one condition," the Master replied.

"Anything," Sam yelled,

"it isn't your choice to make," she snapped, kicking the weeping girl. "Doctor," she whispered, going to sweet girl from vicious murderer in a second. "Doctor, I still love you," she said.

The Doctor looked up at his ex, the Master. "Doctor, please," the Master begged, the Doctor hearts ached from the loss of his Jemima, his Sherlock, his love.

He looked down at Sam, crying over her dead girlfriend's body.

"Yes," he replied, leaning over to kiss the Master.

Suddenly Arietta was alive.

"Baby," Sam yelled, pulling her girlfriend into a hug.

"I love you," Ari replied.

"I love you too," everyone looked up Frank was in the door,

"Ianto," Jack said, "don't..."

The two men looked at each other, before kissing passionately.

Gwen/Erin walked in and stopped stunned, her boyfriend was kissing Ianto/Frank.

But then again everyone was kissing.

Xxx

The Dumping Ground dematerialized.

"I am glad I fixed this Chameleon Circuit," the Doctor said,

"to Team TARDIS," Arietta said, raising a glass.

"To Team TARDIS," everyone repeated.

Xxx

So everyone lived happily ever after.

Even Jemima/Sherlock.

Who turned out to have faked her death.


End file.
